There’s that moment when I give up.
I decide I’m over you. That I’m moving on. But then I realize, within a few moments, that I have to decide that again. Because once again I am thinking about you, dreaming about you, smiling at you, loving you, liking you. I’m over you. But I’m not. You’re a lost memory one second and you’re recovered the next.
You’re in my head, swimming through the pulses of my heart. Dying in my mind and leaving your corpse behind to haunt me. Yet I love it and I wouldn’t exchange it for anything.
Worst of all, you have no idea.
Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.
Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum LP (via 4mbivalent)
Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum LP (via 4mbivalent)
(via 10paperoceans)
